i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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