so explain again why im purple
no
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
