you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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