i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
