ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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