I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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