He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize