a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
