am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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