well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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