I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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