she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
