Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
