Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
