I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
