and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
