Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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