I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
