i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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