I can text with my tongue
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
