The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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