My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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