All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
