I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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