all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
