I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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