So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
