So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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