Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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