and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize