No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
