it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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