he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
