Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
