My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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