so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
