I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
