apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
