Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
