listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
