Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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