seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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