she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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