Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
