i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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