mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
