peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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