No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
