marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
