And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
