I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
