then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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