we have pet lesbian snakes
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
