A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
