the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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