She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am spending my child support on dildos
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
