when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
