I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
