youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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