Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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