I have demons in me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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