I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You don't make any sense
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