She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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