I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
