I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
