i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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