All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
