Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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