I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
