We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
