Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
