i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
