I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
