It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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