Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
