What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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