I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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