4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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