Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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