Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
