Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
