My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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