That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
