dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
