i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize