oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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