thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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