I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
