My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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