Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
