What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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