I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
