she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
