i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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