After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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