Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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