Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
