She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
