Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
